Assalamualaikum everyone! Let's just get right into it.
Marriage is half of the deen, he usually talks about this kind of issue more than 16 hours on this topic of rights alone. However, he said that he will try to give as much as possible in 2 hours.
Everyone of us that likes to complain about our spouse, we tend to feel like a victim, not realizing that we might be the perpetrator. It's always about the significant other's fault, but Allah knows the truth. Marriage is not being selfish.
IMPORTANT- Look at marriage as a blessing and favor from Allah. Be thankful and recognize Allah's favors. That you are in a nikmat/blessings.
Marriage is not only about rights and obligations. If this is the concept that we think how marriage works, there will be a lot of problems in the marriage.
Common rights between men/women
1. Cooperate with one another
2. Remind each other of Allah. Both the husband and wife need to remind each other of Allah.
3. Remind each other of akhirah. "Protect yourselves and your family from hellfire"
4. Manifestation of tranquility, mercy, passion. Men need to express their lives everyday, he sends his wife a love message everyday.
5. Full trust in spouse. Think well of the spouse. It is wrong to have baseless suspicion. They can't come home early silently because they feel like their spouse might do something wrong (Suspicious of spouse for no reason)
6. Both must have great amount of tolerance and patience
7. Don't hold on things against one another (Move on with words that the s/o mispoke.Even when fighting, ask for forgiveness and pleasure when they are angry)
8. Marriage is a mutual responsibility. Chores, cooking, taking care of the children are both spouses responsibility. Both should appreciate what s/o do.
Marriage is a TEAMWORK where both of you are running a marathon and both of you are running. Not just one person running the marathon.
Rights of the wife
1. Financial- Need to provide for her
A good husband is someone that feeds you when they eat, dress her, never struck her face, never beat her, never insult her. And do not abandon the house when in a fight.
Men are guardians and responsible for us. Not obliged to obey him if cannot provide finance.
2. Do not beat her
3. Not abandon her except in bed
It is wrong to disappear (go out of the house) for a week (example) when angry with spouse. He said only cowards do that lol Settle the dispute as soon as possible.
4. Deal with her with respect
Do not verbally abuse her, not curse, not swear, not bad words. Do not fight in front of the children.
5. If taking a second wife, be fair. If can't be fair, then don't.
Fairness- Financial, time etc. No one knows how fair you are except Allah and you will be held accountable.
6. Conceal what is intimate
Don't share even with mother, family etc about intimate things
7. Doing the chores/taking care children with wife
8. Allow her to go out
Be a man and do not abuse this power. Your man-ness is not measured by abusing your power.
9. Women love men to be jealous (controlled jealousy)
Feel the need to be protected. Protect her, you are the man. The guardian of the house. Jealousy meaning taking care of her
10. Fulfill her needs in bed
11. Appreciation of your wife
Thank her all the time. If you are not thankful to people, you are not thankful to Allah.
Rights of the Husband
1. Obey him in what is considered to be maaruf.
2. Give yourself when he asks for it in bed.
Women who pray, obey husband, guard chastity, and fast can enter the Heaven (As difficult as jihad but can be done)
3. Protect his name and his honor.
4. Cannot admit someone in his house without his approval.
5. Take care of his money. He trusts her and she fears Allah.
6. Take care of his children. Whoever teaches children, the rewards are multiplied when the child benefits from it. Long term investment
7. Go out of the house without permission of husband
Sheikh advises to use psychology. lol He says that the wife is the mastermind of the family if she knows how to deal with their husband
8. His wife cannot fast without his permission (voluntary). If he's overseas/musafir,it's okay.
9. Must show gratitude
Don't be like "He NEVERS does good thing for me" when you fight. As if he has never done any good for you
Be smart when talking to our spouse. Use the best words possible.
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