How to Move On in 5 Steps

 How to Move On in 5 Steps 

Breaking up hurts no matter what the reason could be. And it doesn’t help that you think of that person 24/7 and you want to heal and yet at the same time you wish you could be together again. All of those mixed feelings and ruminating results in being extremely overwhelmed, like nothing good is ever good is going to happen to you. I’m here to tell you, no matter how hard your heart breaks, it will heal. And although it takes time, we can try as much as possible to reduce the time taken to really move on 100%.

Step 1: No-contact rule

No contact at all. No interaction. No stalking. No contact. The duration should at least be 1 month minimum. The first week is the hardest. And it doesn't help when he/she finds you first. But don't give in. You may even tell them that you need space before doing the no-contact when they reach out. But remember every time you reply/stalk, you reset the time back to one month (minimum). Why is 1 month needed? It's going to hurt bad anyway, might as well process your feelings during these moments. It also gives spaces to both of you as individuals.

Step 2: Feel the feels. Do not suppress it

When we're deep in our feels, feel it. Lay down and take deep breaths. But do not ruminate. If you find yourself ruminating, write down your thoughts. Every negative thought that comes up, challenge it. Remember that we are our worst critics but it doesn't help us grow when trying to beat ourselves up.

Step 3: Write down 25 things you want to do with your life. Circle only 5

Focus on yourself during these times. For Muslims, focus on your relationship with Allah. Write down 25 things you want to do with your life, but circle only 5 of them.  Rejection is redirection. Everything happens for a reason, and we can feel stuck when in the moment. So focus on these things. Going out to distract yourself may work temporarily but thinking of long term goals will help you much better.

Step 4: Feelings are like waves

You may feel like you're finally getting the hang of it, but then the mall plays a song that reminds you of them, and you bawl your eyes out thinking of what could have been. There are days you may not want to even get out of bed. And it's okay. Just trust the process that it'll pass (only if you process your feelings)

Step 5: Write down ALL of their bad traits

The main problem with trying to move on is thinking of what could've been. We only remember the good things that happened and forget all the bad things. Write down and put the list in your phone. As soon as the thoughts of 'how it could've been' arises, open your notes and remember why they aren't this perfect figure we pictured in our head. Because let's face it, nobody is perfect. There will always be something that you can put in the list.

Breaking up is hard. Not moving on is harder. Doing these steps will help you to move on within 1-3months and completely heal 100% in less than 6 months. Hope this helps!

The Divine Connection- Finding Self Worth in God-My notes

 The Divine Connection- Finding Self Worth in God

Talk By Yasmin Mogahed

These are my notes. Hope they are beneficial to anyone reading this.

What does Taqwa mean? Does it only mean Fear Allah swt?Taqwa is not rooted in oppression. Rather it is rooted in love. The meaning of fear in this context is being in fear with the idea of being disconnected from the one we love, a fear of not wanting to displease Him.

The more we love Allah swt, the more we don’t want to be disconnected from Allah swt.

Taqwa is sheilding ourselves from the displeasure of Allah swt. It actually benefits us when we follow what Allah swt tells us what to do. 

“Let everyone know what did they have prepared for Tomorrow (Hereafter)”

What is self worth?

From the world perspective-Caste, Wealth, Influence, Power, number of followers, Looks, Weight etc

In cultures, as women, self worth is taught to be a role as a mother or as a wife. As if you’re only half a human being until you get married/have a child.

Wealth-If we don’t have money, does it mean we don’t have self worth? No

Self worth will always be unstable when people pun their self worth on things.

We do not get our worth from people.

Our relationship with our Creator is our self worth.

All human beings are slaves. Everyone.

Enslave to Allah swt- Dignifying myself from being a slave to any other thing

Slave to- Beauty standards, people, wealth etc

Humans have the potential to be the best, even better than angels.

Loneliness and Mundane Things

 Assalamualaikum everyone! 

Yeah I haven’t been updating my blog for quite some time. You would think I’m doing something so amazing and extraordinary that I don’t have the time. 

Which is not the case.

I’ve been busy doing mundane things to be honest. Endlessly scrolling through social media seeking for human connection and yet feeling disconnected. What a paradox.

I feel like talking about what I’ve been through these past few months today. So I’ve been feeling down a lot since October 2021. And as a result I can’t sleep at night. I would toss and turn and sigh. And regret not being able to sleep early and making empty promises to myself that I will definitely sleep early tonight and not sleeping early. And the cycle continues. It gets worse where I would sleep as late as 2-3 AM.

I kept thinking to myself. I’m so tired during the day working. Why can’t I fall asleep early? Like a normal person should.

Loneliness. 

I hated to admit this. Me? Feeling lonely? How is that possible. I’m always surrounded among people. Heck I even work at a place where I meet a lot of people. I mean, that was one of the reasons why I liked the job.

And yet every night, I toss and I turn and I feel it. I scroll and scroll seeking some sort of connection, something that could make me feel less lonely in this digital world. And yet, it just gets worse.

And the cycle continues.

Until.

I was mindlessly scrolling through Tiktok at 2AM and came across this Live that was reciting Surah Yassin. I stayed and listened. Within a few minutes of listening, I fell asleep.

Damn I was thrilled. I waited every night for this dude’s Live. I wanted to sleep soundlessly again. Anything to help me sleep.

This went on for a few days until there was a day he didn’t go Live. I scrolled at his Tiktok content and saw that he had a Telegram group.

I joined.

The Rights of the Spouse- My notes on a talk I attended by Sheikh Assim Al-Hakeem

Assalamualaikum everyone! Let's just get right into it.
Marriage is half of the deen, he usually talks about this kind of issue more than 16 hours on this topic of rights alone. However, he said that he will try to give as much as possible in 2 hours.

Everyone of us that likes to complain about our spouse, we tend to feel like a victim, not realizing that we might be the perpetrator. It's always about the significant other's fault, but Allah knows the truth. Marriage is not being selfish.

IMPORTANT- Look at marriage as a blessing and favor from Allah. Be thankful and recognize Allah's favors. That you are in a nikmat/blessings.

Marriage is not only about rights and obligations. If this is the concept that we think how marriage works, there will be a lot of problems in the marriage.

Common rights between men/women
1. Cooperate with one another
2. Remind each other of Allah. Both the husband and wife need to remind each other of Allah.
3. Remind each other of akhirah. "Protect yourselves and your family from hellfire"
4. Manifestation of tranquility, mercy, passion. Men need to express their lives everyday, he sends his wife a love message everyday.
5. Full trust in spouse. Think well of the spouse. It is wrong to have baseless suspicion. They can't come home early silently because they feel like their spouse might do something wrong (Suspicious of spouse for no reason)
6. Both must have great amount of tolerance and patience
7. Don't hold on things against one another (Move on with words that the s/o mispoke.Even when fighting, ask for forgiveness and pleasure when they are angry)
8. Marriage is a mutual responsibility. Chores, cooking, taking care of the children are both spouses responsibility. Both should appreciate what s/o do.

Marriage is a TEAMWORK where both of you are running a marathon and both of you are running. Not just one person running the marathon.

Rights of the wife
1. Financial- Need to provide for her
A good husband is someone that feeds you when they eat, dress her, never struck her face, never beat her, never insult her. And do not abandon the house when in a fight.
Men are guardians and responsible for us. Not obliged to obey him if cannot provide finance.

2. Do not beat her

3. Not abandon her except in bed
It is wrong to disappear (go out of the house) for a week (example) when angry with spouse. He said only cowards do that lol Settle the dispute as soon as possible.

4. Deal with her with respect
Do not verbally abuse her, not curse, not swear, not bad words. Do not fight in front of the children.

5. If taking a second wife, be fair. If can't be fair, then don't.
Fairness- Financial, time etc. No one knows how fair you are except Allah and you will be held accountable.

6. Conceal what is intimate
Don't share even with mother, family etc about intimate things

7. Doing the chores/taking care children with wife

8. Allow her to go out
Be a man and do not abuse this power. Your man-ness is not measured by abusing your power.

9. Women love men to be jealous (controlled jealousy)
Feel the need to be protected. Protect her, you are the man. The guardian of the house. Jealousy meaning taking care of her

10. Fulfill her needs in bed

11. Appreciation of your wife
Thank her all the time. If you are not thankful to people, you are not thankful to Allah.

Rights of the Husband
1. Obey him in what is considered to be maaruf.
2. Give yourself when he asks for it in bed.
Women who pray, obey husband, guard chastity, and fast can enter the Heaven (As difficult as jihad but can be done)

3. Protect his name and his honor.

4. Cannot admit someone in his house without his approval.

5. Take care of his money. He trusts her and she fears Allah.

6. Take care of his children. Whoever teaches children, the rewards are multiplied when the child benefits from it. Long term investment

7. Go out of the house without permission of husband
Sheikh advises to use psychology. lol He says that the wife is the mastermind of the family if she knows how to deal with their husband

8. His wife cannot fast without his permission (voluntary). If he's overseas/musafir,it's okay.

9. Must show gratitude
Don't be like "He NEVERS does good thing for me" when you fight. As if he has never done any good for you

Be smart when talking to our spouse. Use the best words possible.

End

Yasmin Mogahed's Talk on "A filtered Life" - My notes

Assalamualaikum! I have been on a "sleep mode" if you will. Lost in dunya for a while. So let's get back up again by reminding myself of what I have jotted down from the talk that I went past few weeks ago.

Let's start!

The life of today is consumed with how you appear to people in life. Big cars, branded stuff, cool holidays and the list goes on. We can't even eat a burger without taking a picture and posting it on social media. It is as if whatever we do isn't official yet if we haven't posted it on social media. As if life doesn't happen if it's not on full display.

3 types of relationships affected with increase usage of social media
1. Effect with yourself (Psychological)
2. Effect with others (Social)
3. Effect with Creator (Spiritual)

Having FB/IG/Snapchat isn't haram, however having an unhealthy relationship with social media will affect us psychologically.

Studies have shown that with increase usage of social media;
1. Increase of depression
2. Increase of loneliness
3. Increase of social comparison
4. Increase of anxiety
5. Increase of envy

Which is ironic since the main goal of social media is to feel more connected with people, but studies have shown that with increase usage of social media, the more disconnected they feel, the more isolated and lonely they feel.

Interaction with social media can be active and passive.

Yasmin Mogahed's talk on "Quranic Virtues; A study of the characteristics of the successful-My notes

Alhamdulillah, one of my favorite scholars came to Malaysia. Today I'm going to share my notes on the Characteristics of the successful according to the Quran. Here it goes.

What does Quran say about success?

1. Al- Baqarah 1-5

Definition of taqwa is guarding ourselves from Allah's displeasure. Being conscious of Allah and have healthy fear. How do we know that we are having healthy fear? When we do something wrong, we work hard to turn back to Allah and repent. Taubah means to reroute and come back to Allah. Escaping the wrath of Allah by turning back to Allah. Run to Allah in repentance.

Unhealthy shame is when someone does something wrong, they avoid Allah. Unhealthy shame will paralyze them and it is the tools of syaitan for us to be further from Allah.

Humans cannot run away from making mistakes, it is human nature to make mistakes. The best of people are the ones who repent. Allah loves those who repent.

Healthy remorse
- It is from Allah
-Be closer to Allah by repenting to fix the problem (his relationship with Allah)
-The person is motivated to rush to Allah.
-Want to fix mistakes

Unhealthy shame
-From syaitan
-Attempt to hide from Allah, move away from Allah
-Makes us bad feel bad about ourselves and give up.

Quran is guidance for the taqwa. Mutaqqin
Characteristics of Taqwa
1. Believe in the unseen
Nowadays the modern society reject the idea of the unseen because they cannot see it with their own eyes, but a person who has taqwa believes in the seen for the fact that it is what Allah said.
Unseen consists of Allah, Angels,Jannah, Jahannam, Jinn etc
Tawakkul means to believe in Allah completely.

2. Establish the solah
Establish solah is not the same as doing the solah. Establishing the solah means to pray even when it isn't convenient, tired, not "feeling" it.
Solah is our spiritual oxygen. We don't miss breathing just because we are busy or don't feel like it. We do it because it is the only way to be alive. And that's the same as solah. It must be established because it is our spiritual oxygen.

3. They give to others from which Allah gives to them
Charity is not only with money. Using talent for the sake of Allah, take the time to help others for the sake of Allah. Using the resources we have that Allah has given us to help others.

Golden rule: Treat someone like you'd treat yourself.

In Islam, the platinum rule is do unto others as you would like Allah to treat you.

4. Believed what were revealed to them and also what was revealed before them and have full certainty in the hereafter

They have guidance and they will be successful.

2. Surah Al-Maidah 35


1. Have taqwa of Allah
2. Seek closeness to Allah
3. Strive hard in the cause of Allah (jihad)

There are a lot of things to do to jihad.
One of the most important one in current times is lowering your gaze.
Lowering your gaze is so important that it is mentioned in the Quran and Hadith. Not only that, it specifies to both men and women. In Quran, there are times Allah makes a general statement (without mention of gender), but in this commandment Allah addresses both men and women. One of poisons of heart is when they don't lower their gaze. The eyes are the gateway to the heart, anything that we see goes straight to the heart. The root problem is when we don't control our eyes.

What does it mean to not lowering your gaze? In simple terms, it means checking someone out. There are differences between seeing, looking, and gazing.
Seeing- something/someone is in the zone of our vision
Looking- Looking at the person
Gazing- checking them out.

Porn, haram relationship, infidelity starts from not lowering the gaze. Another thing to take note is just because it's behind the screen (laptop/phone/tv), doesn't mean the rules of lowering the gaze is not applicable anymore. Syaitan will put seeds of dissatisfaction when we don't lower the gaze. Not statisfied with our lives,  not satisfied with our spouse etc.

3. Surah Al-Imran 200 (Last verse)


Misconceptions of Sabar
1. Do nothing, be passive
Being sabar means take action and persevere
As muslims, we do not tolerate abuse, do not enable the oppressors and the ones being oppressed.

2. Feel no emotion
Having sabar doesn't mean not having any emotion. Yakub had beautiful sabar, he also cried until blind. This means that he also felt emotion. To heal, we need to address the emotion and grieve properly. We cannot suppress our emotion. Sabar is feeling sad or crying but the tongue is always saying things that is pleasing Allah. Accepting the decision of Allah and still feel all of the emotions.

Sabiru- Persevering and enduring opposing force.
Ribat- Stand firm even if can't endure anymore.
Taqwa- Having healthy fear of Allah

4. Surah Al-Imran 130


There are certain sins that we commit that we don't realize the consequences that happen because it happens from other parts on our life. For example, haram money like selling liquor, being involved with riba (usury). When money is not clean, it affects the morality of the person and also the morality of the children. Seems like it has no correlation but that's how sins are, it is haram because it will impact us negatively.

Do not be involved in riba, doubled and multiplied and have taqwa. You may be succesful if we avoid this particular sin. Riba is taken lightly but it is a super serious sin.

“O ye who believe! fear Allah and give up what remains of your demand for usury, if ye are indeed believers. If ye do it not, take notice of war from Allah and His Messenger.” (al-Baqara 278-279)

The phrase "waging war against Allah and His Messenger" is not used for any other sins in the Quran. It is used only for those who do riba. This will be enough to explain what a big sin riba is in the sight of Allah.

There are certain things in the deen that we neglect but it is the foundation and it is important that if not done will lead to absolute destruction which is;
-lowering the gaze
-avoiding riba
-dzikir (remembrance of Allah)

In remembrance of Allah, there is success, so remember Allah a lot. When neglected, there are consequences that follow. Whoever turns from the remembrance of Allah, they will have a narrow and miserable life,syaitan will become an intimate companion (No 1 advisor of our life) until we stop praying, stop reading the Quran. And it will only bring destruction into our own lives.

5.Surah Al-Baqarah 152
 

How to always remember Allah?
Establish the prayer and do dzikir. It is the design of being human that needs constant remembrance. Dzikir needs to be done consistently ; just like breathing. That is what's keeping us alive spiritually.

6. Surah Al-Ahzab 35

To both men and women who remember Allah often, Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward. You can see in this ayat that Allah addresses to both men and women to show the importance of what is being said. These are traits of the successful men and women in the sight of Allah. Do these things and Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward.

7. Surah As-Syams


In this Surah, Allah uses oaths by his creation. This surah has the most oaths, by the sun by the moon etc. When a person makes an oath (utters wallahi), you know that the person wants to emphasize and truly mean it. In this surah, Allah swears by a lot of things. This shows emphasis that what comes afterwards is very very important. Indeed they will be successful who purify themselves. And if failed, the soul will be corrupted.

8. Surah At-Talaq 2-3


He who has taqwa, Allah will make a way out for them. And provide them from places that they can't imagine. Taqwa is when make a mistake, repent and turn back to Allah; when falling down, get back up. People get caught up and feel trapped by different things. With taqwa, Allah will give a way out.

Whoever puts full trust and reliance on Allah, Allah is enough for them. Allah will take care of you as long as you trust Him. Having husnuzon with Allah (Yakin and good opinion of Allah).
Analogy- It's like when our mother comes pick us up from school and takes a different route, when we ask her, she says be patient and just keeps driving. We don't go into panic mode because we trust our mother and have husnuzon with her that she would never do anything to harm us. Same concept with full reliance to Allah eventhough we don't know Allah's plan.

When we want to solve a problem,
Take action and tawakkal at the same time. (Tie your camel and trust in Allah )

What's the point of taking action? It is the commandment of Allah and it is also part of our worship to take action. Allah is the one who gives and we must do the actions (the means) for things to change.

A believer is not passive and not weak. A believer is strong and active. And step outside their comfort zone.

Q&A
1. What is Islam's perspective on getting treatment for mental illness?
It does not contradict with Islam. Take the treatment and at the same time tawakkal and ask for Allah's help. There is no shame in seeking help/treatment. In fact, it is also a part of ibadah to take action.

2. How do know that we have tied the camel enough?
Do istikharah and keep working towards it. When we keep pursuing it and many doors keep closing, we know that our istikharah is answered. And when we keep pursuing it and many doors are opened, that means that our istikharah is answered.

End.

Hope you have benefited from this and do drop some questions if there are some parts that you find unclear. Till next time, Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh!

Sacrifices of Ibrahim a.s by Moutasem Al-Hameedi -My notes

Assalamualaikumussalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh everyone!

So I attended a talk in Masjid Saidina Abu Bakar As-Siddiq (Masjid Bangsar). Mind you, I arrived a bit late ( Around 8.30pm) so I missed the first 30 minutes of the talk. Nonetheless I would still like to share what I have heard and learned and may all of you reading this may benefit. If you find that they're not like understandable (Since my mind can go places at times), feel free to contact me and we can talk in person. Haha I know I talk better than I write. Eventhough I love writing. But I'm digressing again.

Ibrahim being thrown into the fire
When I entered the hall, Moutasem was talking about how Ibrahim was going to be slingshot into the fire. (As we all know the story of Ibrahim being thrown into the fire because simply put the people couldn't accept the fact that they were worshipping idols that did not benefit them at all). People of the past were not as primitive as we think, you know. They knew how to build big machines like the catapult to throw Ibrahim into the fire. They had tools, technology, even complex systems like governments and stuff. I used to think that before this, they were primitive and behaved like cavemen. But it's not true. They had leaders, business, machines etc.

Namrud
Anyway, Ibrahim left his hometown (Northern Iraq) and travelled to Palestine. He married Sarah there. And afterwards went to Egypt. This is where he met Namrud, the evil king. Moutasem described him as a "weird" muslim meaning that he does one thing that is not islamic but in an islamic way (An example would be a practicing muslim selling liquor, takes riba etc but when things that involve eating pork for example he'd be like hey, that's haram!) The same thing with Namrud, when he saw a woman that he liked, he would want it for himself. He would kill their husbands and take the women as his wives. BUT he would not marry someone without the permission of the women's brother/father. Weird, right? But it's happening currently too nowadays just a different context. So when he met with Namrud, he knew that Namrud liked Sarah and wanted her. Namrud asked Ibrahim who Sarah is and Ibrahim answered that it was his sister (Later on in the story, when Sarah asked, Ibrahim said Sarah was his sister in Islam so technically he wasn't lying). In arabic, the term is Al-Muwarah (I think) which translates to double meaning or puns(if comical). So what Ibrahim meant was different to what Namrud understood. But because of that,they were saved. The lesson we can learn from this story is learn and take the time to know someone before meeting/confronting. In the story of Ibrahim, because he knew how Namrud was, he could save them. Take the time to learn other people's culture. Appreciate other people's cultural differences too instead of asking people to understand yours.

Hajar and Zam Zam Water
Namrud gifted Ibrahim with a maid named Hajar which soon became his wife. Sarah did not have a child for a long time. Hajar became pregnant and Ismail was born. Hajar and Ismail was taken to Makkah (During that time, there was nothing there, just desert). Ibrahim left Hajar and Ismail in the middle of Makkah and started to leave. Hajar asked him if this is what Allah has commanded and Ibrahim nodded and left. Hajar said, "Allah will not let us down!" Hajar had full confidence in Allah. She put her trust in Allah AND put in effort. Which is why when they were out of water, she looked for signs of the water from Safa to Marwa 7 times. She then sees that the water came out from where Ismail was. Sometimes we do something and it fails, but leads us to something else and success may come a few years later. So even if things don't pay off in the beginning, do not think that we're losing. Don't feel like things are not working out the way we want. We plan but let Allah do His way. Because it is the best for us.

Sacrifice of Ibrahim
Ibrahim a.s would visit them once in a while. One day he sees in his dream slaughtering his son. Dreams of prophets are revelations. There are things that Allah kept to himself. If something came from Allah, then it is good. Ibrahim is someone who is obedient to Allah. He tells Ismail about his dream, and Ismail (eventhough he was only a teenager at that time) said, " Do what Allah has commanded you to do". It takes years of devotion, education, and purification to get to that standard of faith in Allah. We need to believe that whatever is wajib is good for us, and whatever haram is harmful to us. When you do haram, it's going to make your life very hard. Tawakkal is when even if it is painful and scary at first, you go with it because of Allah. Life is a rollercoaster,up and down. Just let it be. Ihsan means worship Allah as if you can see Him. Faith cannot be blind, so do not become a person who does "blind faith". This is indeed a real test for Ibrahim. Sacrificing the one thing that he valued the most. Who does he put first? Allah or Ismail? That is what sacrifice means; choose 1 that you feel is the most important and sacrifice the other thing. Make your sacrifice wisely. The hypocrites (munafiq) are the ones who "purchased" the world for the hereafter. Do the right sacrifice, and you will get both. When you sacrifice this life for the next life, you will get dunia and akhirat. You can NEVER lose if you make the right sacrifice. Because Ibrahim chose Allah, he got Allah and Ismail since it was replaced with a sheep. It shows that Ibrahim was not attached to this world, but in fact put his trust in Allah completely.

Q&A session
Q: Is this hardship because of sin or test?
A: Do not bother about what it is. Rather, think about the action, what should you act when hardships happen. Will you grow closer to Allah or further away.

Q: Where did Ibrahim go after leaving Hajar?
A: He was in Palestine with Sarah and they had a son named Ishak.


I hope that this post have benefited you and may Allah guide us all.