Breaking up hurts no matter what the reason could be. And it doesn’t help that you think of that person 24/7 and you want to heal and yet at the same time you wish you could be together again. All of those mixed feelings and ruminating results in being extremely overwhelmed, like nothing good is ever good is going to happen to you. I’m here to tell you, no matter how hard your heart breaks, it will heal. And although it takes time, we can try as much as possible to reduce the time taken to really move on 100%.
Step 1: No-contact rule
No contact at all. No interaction. No stalking. No contact. The duration should at least be 1 month minimum. The first week is the hardest. And it doesn't help when he/she finds you first. But don't give in. You may even tell them that you need space before doing the no-contact when they reach out. But remember every time you reply/stalk, you reset the time back to one month (minimum). Why is 1 month needed? It's going to hurt bad anyway, might as well process your feelings during these moments. It also gives spaces to both of you as individuals.
Step 2: Feel the feels. Do not suppress it
When we're deep in our feels, feel it. Lay down and take deep breaths. But do not ruminate. If you find yourself ruminating, write down your thoughts. Every negative thought that comes up, challenge it. Remember that we are our worst critics but it doesn't help us grow when trying to beat ourselves up.
Step 3: Write down 25 things you want to do with your life. Circle only 5
Focus on yourself during these times. For Muslims, focus on your relationship with Allah. Write down 25 things you want to do with your life, but circle only 5 of them. Rejection is redirection. Everything happens for a reason, and we can feel stuck when in the moment. So focus on these things. Going out to distract yourself may work temporarily but thinking of long term goals will help you much better.
Step 4: Feelings are like waves
You may feel like you're finally getting the hang of it, but then the mall plays a song that reminds you of them, and you bawl your eyes out thinking of what could have been. There are days you may not want to even get out of bed. And it's okay. Just trust the process that it'll pass (only if you process your feelings)
Step 5: Write down ALL of their bad traits
The main problem with trying to move on is thinking of what could've been. We only remember the good things that happened and forget all the bad things. Write down and put the list in your phone. As soon as the thoughts of 'how it could've been' arises, open your notes and remember why they aren't this perfect figure we pictured in our head. Because let's face it, nobody is perfect. There will always be something that you can put in the list.
Breaking up is hard. Not moving on is harder. Doing these steps will help you to move on within 1-3months and completely heal 100% in less than 6 months. Hope this helps!
These are my notes. Hope they are beneficial to anyone reading this.
What does Taqwa mean? Does it only mean Fear Allah swt?Taqwa is not rooted in oppression. Rather it is rooted in love. The meaning of fear in this context is being in fear with the idea of being disconnected from the one we love, a fear of not wanting to displease Him.
The more we love Allah swt, the more we don’t want to be disconnected from Allah swt.
Taqwa is sheilding ourselves from the displeasure of Allah swt. It actually benefits us when we follow what Allah swt tells us what to do.
“Let everyone know what did they have prepared for Tomorrow (Hereafter)”
What is self worth?
From the world perspective-Caste, Wealth, Influence, Power, number of followers, Looks, Weight etc
In cultures, as women, self worth is taught to be a role as a mother or as a wife. As if you’re only half a human being until you get married/have a child.
Wealth-If we don’t have money, does it mean we don’t have self worth? No
Self worth will always be unstable when people pun their self worth on things.
We do not get our worth from people.
Our relationship with our Creator is our self worth.
All human beings are slaves. Everyone.
Enslave to Allah swt- Dignifying myself from being a slave to any other thing
Slave to- Beauty standards, people, wealth etc
Humans have the potential to be the best, even better than angels.
Yeah I haven’t been updating my blog for quite some time. You would think I’m doing something so amazing and extraordinary that I don’t have the time.
Which is not the case.
I’ve been busy doing mundane things to be honest. Endlessly scrolling through social media seeking for human connection and yet feeling disconnected. What a paradox.
I feel like talking about what I’ve been through these past few months today. So I’ve been feeling down a lot since October 2021. And as a result I can’t sleep at night. I would toss and turn and sigh. And regret not being able to sleep early and making empty promises to myself that I will definitely sleep early tonight and not sleeping early. And the cycle continues. It gets worse where I would sleep as late as 2-3 AM.
I kept thinking to myself. I’m so tired during the day working. Why can’t I fall asleep early? Like a normal person should.
Loneliness.
I hated to admit this. Me? Feeling lonely? How is that possible. I’m always surrounded among people. Heck I even work at a place where I meet a lot of people. I mean, that was one of the reasons why I liked the job.
And yet every night, I toss and I turn and I feel it. I scroll and scroll seeking some sort of connection, something that could make me feel less lonely in this digital world. And yet, it just gets worse.
And the cycle continues.
Until.
I was mindlessly scrolling through Tiktok at 2AM and came across this Live that was reciting Surah Yassin. I stayed and listened. Within a few minutes of listening, I fell asleep.
Damn I was thrilled. I waited every night for this dude’s Live. I wanted to sleep soundlessly again. Anything to help me sleep.
This went on for a few days until there was a day he didn’t go Live. I scrolled at his Tiktok content and saw that he had a Telegram group.
Assalamualaikum everyone! Let's just get right into it.
Marriage is half of the deen, he usually talks about this kind of issue more than 16 hours on this topic of rights alone. However, he said that he will try to give as much as possible in 2 hours.
Everyone of us that likes to complain about our spouse, we tend to feel like a victim, not realizing that we might be the perpetrator. It's always about the significant other's fault, but Allah knows the truth. Marriage is not being selfish.
IMPORTANT- Look at marriage as a blessing and favor from Allah. Be thankful and recognize Allah's favors. That you are in a nikmat/blessings.
Marriage is not only about rights and obligations. If this is the concept that we think how marriage works, there will be a lot of problems in the marriage.
Common rights between men/women
1. Cooperate with one another
2. Remind each other of Allah. Both the husband and wife need to remind each other of Allah.
3. Remind each other of akhirah. "Protect yourselves and your family from hellfire"
4. Manifestation of tranquility, mercy, passion. Men need to express their lives everyday, he sends his wife a love message everyday.
5. Full trust in spouse. Think well of the spouse. It is wrong to have baseless suspicion. They can't come home early silently because they feel like their spouse might do something wrong (Suspicious of spouse for no reason)
6. Both must have great amount of tolerance and patience
7. Don't hold on things against one another (Move on with words that the s/o mispoke.Even when fighting, ask for forgiveness and pleasure when they are angry)
8. Marriage is a mutual responsibility. Chores, cooking, taking care of the children are both spouses responsibility. Both should appreciate what s/o do.
Marriage is a TEAMWORK where both of you are running a marathon and both of you are running. Not just one person running the marathon.
Rights of the wife
1. Financial- Need to provide for her
A good husband is someone that feeds you when they eat, dress her, never struck her face, never beat her, never insult her. And do not abandon the house when in a fight.
Men are guardians and responsible for us. Not obliged to obey him if cannot provide finance.
2. Do not beat her
3. Not abandon her except in bed
It is wrong to disappear (go out of the house) for a week (example) when angry with spouse. He said only cowards do that lol Settle the dispute as soon as possible.
4. Deal with her with respect
Do not verbally abuse her, not curse, not swear, not bad words. Do not fight in front of the children.
5. If taking a second wife, be fair. If can't be fair, then don't.
Fairness- Financial, time etc. No one knows how fair you are except Allah and you will be held accountable.
6. Conceal what is intimate
Don't share even with mother, family etc about intimate things
7. Doing the chores/taking care children with wife
8. Allow her to go out
Be a man and do not abuse this power. Your man-ness is not measured by abusing your power.
9. Women love men to be jealous (controlled jealousy)
Feel the need to be protected. Protect her, you are the man. The guardian of the house. Jealousy meaning taking care of her
10. Fulfill her needs in bed
11. Appreciation of your wife
Thank her all the time. If you are not thankful to people, you are not thankful to Allah.
Rights of the Husband
1. Obey him in what is considered to be maaruf.
2. Give yourself when he asks for it in bed.
Women who pray, obey husband, guard chastity, and fast can enter the Heaven (As difficult as jihad but can be done)
3. Protect his name and his honor.
4. Cannot admit someone in his house without his approval.
5. Take care of his money. He trusts her and she fears Allah.
6. Take care of his children. Whoever teaches children, the rewards are multiplied when the child benefits from it. Long term investment
7. Go out of the house without permission of husband
Sheikh advises to use psychology. lol He says that the wife is the mastermind of the family if she knows how to deal with their husband
8. His wife cannot fast without his permission (voluntary). If he's overseas/musafir,it's okay.
9. Must show gratitude
Don't be like "He NEVERS does good thing for me" when you fight. As if he has never done any good for you
Be smart when talking to our spouse. Use the best words possible.
Assalamualaikum! I have been on a "sleep mode" if you will. Lost in dunya for a while. So let's get back up again by reminding myself of what I have jotted down from the talk that I went past few weeks ago.
Let's start!
The life of today is consumed with how you appear to people in life. Big cars, branded stuff, cool holidays and the list goes on. We can't even eat a burger without taking a picture and posting it on social media. It is as if whatever we do isn't official yet if we haven't posted it on social media. As if life doesn't happen if it's not on full display.
3 types of relationships affected with increase usage of social media
1. Effect with yourself (Psychological)
2. Effect with others (Social)
3. Effect with Creator (Spiritual)
Having FB/IG/Snapchat isn't haram, however having an unhealthy relationship with social media will affect us psychologically.
Studies have shown that with increase usage of social media;
1. Increase of depression
2. Increase of loneliness
3. Increase of social comparison
4. Increase of anxiety
5. Increase of envy
Which is ironic since the main goal of social media is to feel more connected with people, but studies have shown that with increase usage of social media, the more disconnected they feel, the more isolated and lonely they feel.
Interaction with social media can be active and passive.
Alhamdulillah, one of my favorite scholars came to Malaysia. Today I'm going to share my notes on the Characteristics of the successful according to the Quran. Here it goes.
What does Quran say about success?
1. Al- Baqarah 1-5
Definition of taqwa is guarding ourselves from Allah's displeasure. Being conscious of Allah and have healthy fear. How do we know that we are having healthy fear? When we do something wrong, we work hard to turn back to Allah and repent. Taubah means to reroute and come back to Allah. Escaping the wrath of Allah by turning back to Allah. Run to Allah in repentance.
Unhealthy shame is when someone does something wrong, they avoid Allah. Unhealthy shame will paralyze them and it is the tools of syaitan for us to be further from Allah.
Humans cannot run away from making mistakes, it is human nature to make mistakes. The best of people are the ones who repent. Allah loves those who repent.
Healthy remorse
- It is from Allah
-Be closer to Allah by repenting to fix the problem (his relationship with Allah)
-The person is motivated to rush to Allah.
-Want to fix mistakes
Unhealthy shame
-From syaitan
-Attempt to hide from Allah, move away from Allah
-Makes us bad feel bad about ourselves and give up.
Quran is guidance for the taqwa. Mutaqqin
Characteristics of Taqwa
1. Believe in the unseen
Nowadays the modern society reject the idea of the unseen because they cannot see it with their own eyes, but a person who has taqwa believes in the seen for the fact that it is what Allah said.
Unseen consists of Allah, Angels,Jannah, Jahannam, Jinn etc
Tawakkul means to believe in Allah completely.
2. Establish the solah
Establish solah is not the same as doing the solah. Establishing the solah means to pray even when it isn't convenient, tired, not "feeling" it.
Solah is our spiritual oxygen. We don't miss breathing just because we are busy or don't feel like it. We do it because it is the only way to be alive. And that's the same as solah. It must be established because it is our spiritual oxygen.
3. They give to others from which Allah gives to them
Charity is not only with money. Using talent for the sake of Allah, take the time to help others for the sake of Allah. Using the resources we have that Allah has given us to help others.
Golden rule: Treat someone like you'd treat yourself.
In Islam, the platinum rule is do unto others as you would like Allah to treat you.
4. Believed what were revealed to them and also what was revealed before them and have full certainty in the hereafter
They have guidance and they will be successful.
2. Surah Al-Maidah 35
1. Have taqwa of Allah
2. Seek closeness to Allah
3. Strive hard in the cause of Allah (jihad)
There are a lot of things to do to jihad.
One of the most important one in current times is lowering your gaze.
Lowering your gaze is so important that it is mentioned in the Quran and Hadith. Not only that, it specifies to both men and women. In Quran, there are times Allah makes a general statement (without mention of gender), but in this commandment Allah addresses both men and women. One of poisons of heart is when they don't lower their gaze. The eyes are the gateway to the heart, anything that we see goes straight to the heart. The root problem is when we don't control our eyes.
What does it mean to not lowering your gaze? In simple terms, it means checking someone out. There are differences between seeing, looking, and gazing.
Seeing- something/someone is in the zone of our vision
Looking- Looking at the person
Gazing- checking them out.
Porn, haram relationship, infidelity starts from not lowering the gaze. Another thing to take note is just because it's behind the screen (laptop/phone/tv), doesn't mean the rules of lowering the gaze is not applicable anymore. Syaitan will put seeds of dissatisfaction when we don't lower the gaze. Not statisfied with our lives, not satisfied with our spouse etc.
3. Surah Al-Imran 200 (Last verse)
Misconceptions of Sabar
1. Do nothing, be passive
Being sabar means take action and persevere
As muslims, we do not tolerate abuse, do not enable the oppressors and the ones being oppressed.
2. Feel no emotion
Having sabar doesn't mean not having any emotion. Yakub had beautiful sabar, he also cried until blind. This means that he also felt emotion. To heal, we need to address the emotion and grieve properly. We cannot suppress our emotion. Sabar is feeling sad or crying but the tongue is always saying things that is pleasing Allah. Accepting the decision of Allah and still feel all of the emotions.
Sabiru- Persevering and enduring opposing force.
Ribat- Stand firm even if can't endure anymore.
Taqwa- Having healthy fear of Allah
4. Surah Al-Imran 130
There are certain sins that we commit that we don't realize the consequences that happen because it happens from other parts on our life. For example, haram money like selling liquor, being involved with riba (usury). When money is not clean, it affects the morality of the person and also the morality of the children. Seems like it has no correlation but that's how sins are, it is haram because it will impact us negatively.
Do not be involved in riba, doubled and multiplied and have taqwa. You may be succesful if we avoid this particular sin. Riba is taken lightly but it is a super serious sin.
“O ye who believe! fear Allah and give up what remains of your demand for usury, if ye are indeed believers. If ye do it not, take notice of war from Allah and His Messenger.” (al-Baqara 278-279) The phrase "waging war against Allah and His Messenger" is not used for any other sins in the Quran. It is used only for those who do riba. This will be enough to explain what a big sin riba is in the sight of Allah. There are certain things in the deen that we neglect but it is the foundation and it is important that if not done will lead to absolute destruction which is; -lowering the gaze -avoiding riba -dzikir (remembrance of Allah) In remembrance of Allah, there is success, so remember Allah a lot. When neglected, there are consequences that follow. Whoever turns from the remembrance of Allah, they will have a narrow and miserable life,syaitan will become an intimate companion (No 1 advisor of our life) until we stop praying, stop reading the Quran. And it will only bring destruction into our own lives. 5.Surah Al-Baqarah 152
How to always remember Allah?
Establish the prayer and do dzikir. It is the design of being human that needs constant remembrance. Dzikir needs to be done consistently ; just like breathing. That is what's keeping us alive spiritually.
6. Surah Al-Ahzab 35
To both men and women who remember Allah often, Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward. You can see in this ayat that Allah addresses to both men and women to show the importance of what is being said. These are traits of the successful men and women in the sight of Allah. Do these things and Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward.
7. Surah As-Syams
In this Surah, Allah uses oaths by his creation. This surah has the most oaths, by the sun by the moon etc. When a person makes an oath (utters wallahi), you know that the person wants to emphasize and truly mean it. In this surah, Allah swears by a lot of things. This shows emphasis that what comes afterwards is very very important. Indeed they will be successful who purify themselves. And if failed, the soul will be corrupted.
8. Surah At-Talaq 2-3
He who has taqwa, Allah will make a way out for them. And provide them from places that they can't imagine. Taqwa is when make a mistake, repent and turn back to Allah; when falling down, get back up. People get caught up and feel trapped by different things. With taqwa, Allah will give a way out.
Whoever puts full trust and reliance on Allah, Allah is enough for them. Allah will take care of you as long as you trust Him. Having husnuzon with Allah (Yakin and good opinion of Allah).
Analogy- It's like when our mother comes pick us up from school and takes a different route, when we ask her, she says be patient and just keeps driving. We don't go into panic mode because we trust our mother and have husnuzon with her that she would never do anything to harm us. Same concept with full reliance to Allah eventhough we don't know Allah's plan.
When we want to solve a problem,
Take action and tawakkal at the same time. (Tie your camel and trust in Allah )
What's the point of taking action? It is the commandment of Allah and it is also part of our worship to take action. Allah is the one who gives and we must do the actions (the means) for things to change.
A believer is not passive and not weak. A believer is strong and active. And step outside their comfort zone.
Q&A
1. What is Islam's perspective on getting treatment for mental illness?
It does not contradict with Islam. Take the treatment and at the same time tawakkal and ask for Allah's help. There is no shame in seeking help/treatment. In fact, it is also a part of ibadah to take action.
2. How do know that we have tied the camel enough?
Do istikharah and keep working towards it. When we keep pursuing it and many doors keep closing, we know that our istikharah is answered. And when we keep pursuing it and many doors are opened, that means that our istikharah is answered.
End.
Hope you have benefited from this and do drop some questions if there are some parts that you find unclear. Till next time, Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh!
So I attended a talk in Masjid Saidina Abu Bakar As-Siddiq (Masjid Bangsar). Mind you, I arrived a bit late ( Around 8.30pm) so I missed the first 30 minutes of the talk. Nonetheless I would still like to share what I have heard and learned and may all of you reading this may benefit. If you find that they're not like understandable (Since my mind can go places at times), feel free to contact me and we can talk in person. Haha I know I talk better than I write. Eventhough I love writing. But I'm digressing again.
Ibrahim being thrown into the fire
When I entered the hall, Moutasem was talking about how Ibrahim was going to be slingshot into the fire. (As we all know the story of Ibrahim being thrown into the fire because simply put the people couldn't accept the fact that they were worshipping idols that did not benefit them at all). People of the past were not as primitive as we think, you know. They knew how to build big machines like the catapult to throw Ibrahim into the fire. They had tools, technology, even complex systems like governments and stuff. I used to think that before this, they were primitive and behaved like cavemen. But it's not true. They had leaders, business, machines etc.
Namrud
Anyway, Ibrahim left his hometown (Northern Iraq) and travelled to Palestine. He married Sarah there. And afterwards went to Egypt. This is where he met Namrud, the evil king. Moutasem described him as a "weird" muslim meaning that he does one thing that is not islamic but in an islamic way (An example would be a practicing muslim selling liquor, takes riba etc but when things that involve eating pork for example he'd be like hey, that's haram!) The same thing with Namrud, when he saw a woman that he liked, he would want it for himself. He would kill their husbands and take the women as his wives. BUT he would not marry someone without the permission of the women's brother/father. Weird, right? But it's happening currently too nowadays just a different context. So when he met with Namrud, he knew that Namrud liked Sarah and wanted her. Namrud asked Ibrahim who Sarah is and Ibrahim answered that it was his sister (Later on in the story, when Sarah asked, Ibrahim said Sarah was his sister in Islam so technically he wasn't lying). In arabic, the term is Al-Muwarah (I think) which translates to double meaning or puns(if comical). So what Ibrahim meant was different to what Namrud understood. But because of that,they were saved. The lesson we can learn from this story is learn and take the time to know someone before meeting/confronting. In the story of Ibrahim, because he knew how Namrud was, he could save them. Take the time to learn other people's culture. Appreciate other people's cultural differences too instead of asking people to understand yours.
Hajar and Zam Zam Water
Namrud gifted Ibrahim with a maid named Hajar which soon became his wife. Sarah did not have a child for a long time. Hajar became pregnant and Ismail was born. Hajar and Ismail was taken to Makkah (During that time, there was nothing there, just desert). Ibrahim left Hajar and Ismail in the middle of Makkah and started to leave. Hajar asked him if this is what Allah has commanded and Ibrahim nodded and left. Hajar said, "Allah will not let us down!" Hajar had full confidence in Allah. She put her trust in Allah AND put in effort. Which is why when they were out of water, she looked for signs of the water from Safa to Marwa 7 times. She then sees that the water came out from where Ismail was. Sometimes we do something and it fails, but leads us to something else and success may come a few years later. So even if things don't pay off in the beginning, do not think that we're losing. Don't feel like things are not working out the way we want. We plan but let Allah do His way. Because it is the best for us.
Sacrifice of Ibrahim
Ibrahim a.s would visit them once in a while. One day he sees in his dream slaughtering his son. Dreams of prophets are revelations. There are things that Allah kept to himself. If something came from Allah, then it is good. Ibrahim is someone who is obedient to Allah. He tells Ismail about his dream, and Ismail (eventhough he was only a teenager at that time) said, " Do what Allah has commanded you to do". It takes years of devotion, education, and purification to get to that standard of faith in Allah. We need to believe that whatever is wajib is good for us, and whatever haram is harmful to us. When you do haram, it's going to make your life very hard. Tawakkal is when even if it is painful and scary at first, you go with it because of Allah. Life is a rollercoaster,up and down. Just let it be. Ihsan means worship Allah as if you can see Him. Faith cannot be blind, so do not become a person who does "blind faith". This is indeed a real test for Ibrahim. Sacrificing the one thing that he valued the most. Who does he put first? Allah or Ismail? That is what sacrifice means; choose 1 that you feel is the most important and sacrifice the other thing. Make your sacrifice wisely. The hypocrites (munafiq) are the ones who "purchased" the world for the hereafter. Do the right sacrifice, and you will get both. When you sacrifice this life for the next life, you will get dunia and akhirat. You can NEVER lose if you make the right sacrifice. Because Ibrahim chose Allah, he got Allah and Ismail since it was replaced with a sheep. It shows that Ibrahim was not attached to this world, but in fact put his trust in Allah completely.
Q&A session
Q: Is this hardship because of sin or test?
A: Do not bother about what it is. Rather, think about the action, what should you act when hardships happen. Will you grow closer to Allah or further away.
Q: Where did Ibrahim go after leaving Hajar?
A: He was in Palestine with Sarah and they had a son named Ishak.
I hope that this post have benefited you and may Allah guide us all.
Alhamdulillah I attended the talk (2 Sep 2019) about slandering and backbiting. And honestly I'm so scared! It seems small and done casually (membawang in Malaysia) but it is a major sin!
Meaning
Backbiting= talk bad about someone behind their backs (even if it is true)
Slander= talk bad about someone behind their backs (it is false)
Consequences
People who are backbiting/slander are only hurting themselves. Why? Because on the day of Judgement, they will be bankrupt (muflis). When we backbite/slander/hurt somebody's feelings/spread rumours, the person will take ALL of our good deeds. And if we don't have any good deeds left, they will put their sins onto us. Astaghfirullah
We are all held accountable for our attitudes, actions, say and gestures. We should also avoid having negative assumptions. When we have negative assumptions, it can cause unnecessary fights/ assume the worst and burden of the heart.
Backbiting is worse than eating the flesh of the dead person. What about people who backbites about you? They would have to give their good deeds to you. So don't worry too much about people talking behind your back.
What should we do if someone is backbiting with us?
1. Stop the act of backbiting
2. Defend the honor of the person
And if all fails
3. Leave the place
"Whoever defends the flesh of his brother from backbiting, it will be a duty upon Allah to free him from the hellfire"
How to repent from backbiting? (DO NOT GO TO PERSON AND APOLOGIZE DIRECTLY AND EXPLAIN WHAT YOU WERE BACKBITING HIM ABOUT)
Haha, I used to think that's what I had to do, but I never did it.
1. Sincere taubat
2. Truly regret of the actions
3. Defend the person's honor
4. Make dua to Allah to ask forgiveness for that person.
I hope you have had some benefit from this post. InsyaAllah
I would appreciate it if you could give some feedback on my writings for me to improve. Thanks!
Alhamdulillah I was given a chance to attend this forum/ talk hosted by Miraj Festival (www.mirajfestival.com) and it was their first event. What I'm sharing is a gist of what I learned and I hope that whoever reading this may benefit from it. I hope what I'm saying will make sense since I'm kind of a lousy note taker. LOL
The first talk was given by Ustaz Don Daniyal. He was talking about the story of Isra' Mikraj and about Ibrahim a.s. The gist of it is among all of the prophets, Ibrahim a.s had wafa' mentioned in the Quran which can be translated as whole/obedience. He said "Hasbi Allah" (Allah is enough for me). Whatever Allah commands, he follows. No questions asked.
The second talk is by Ayesha Syahira.
"Success is not about the destination, but it is about the journey"
She tells the story of Balqis and Sulaiman. What can be learned from this story of Balqis and Sulaiman communication wise? The way Sulaiman approched Balqis in dakwah. He wrote a letter and started with Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. He reached out to Balqis by emphasizing about Allah being merciful and asked her to stop worshipping fire and to turn to Allah instead. We can learn from this story that when we want to bring people back to Islam, do it so in a lovingly manner and not judge while condemning people. Nowadays we tend to be a "Haraam police" instead of teaching people to love Allah first.
PU Azman talked about Mus'ab bin Umair, the sahabah of Rasulullah s.a.w. He was from a wealthy family with status and all the glitz and glam of the era. When he embraced Islam, he let go of all the riches and fame for akhirah. During perang uhud, he died as a shahid. He was one of the first from a wealthy family to embrace Islam. We can learn from his story is about jihad in today's era.
It's 1am and I'm kinda sleepy. Maybe I'll add in some more tomorrow.
I just watched a ted talk on YouTube about loving yourself. And I'll tell you frankly that it has been years that I hated myself. And I felt miserable. I see myself as a realist. And the problem with a realist is they spend more time being a pessimist than an optimist. And an optimist spend more time being a realist. So in other words the only way I could get things done is when I would become an optimist again. But I'm digressing.
What is loving yourself?
Loving yourself means that you take the time to love your strengths and accept your weaknesses. It's okay to acknowledge that you have weaknesses as they can be improved. What's not okay is beating yourself up for having weaknesses. Another negative trait that I used to do when things didn't work out the way I wanted to was self criticism. And let me tell you, it never works to self- criticize. All you get out of it is self hatred and it just takes longer to recover. Loving yourself is like a muscle. You need to practice for you to get used to it. And you'll feel so much better when you get the hang of it. You'll feel whole. And happy. And know that you can trust yourself.
How do I love myself?
1. Practice having a positive inner voice
When something bad happens, what's the first reflex of your thoughts? Is it self criticism? Blaming yourself? When having these thoughts, immediately say "Stop" and redirect it to a more positive outlook. I find doing this the hardest but I'm getting the hang of it. Now, when a bad thought comes through my mind, I quickly say stop mentally and say to myself " yes, it was unfortunate but next time you'll get the hang of it" or " it's okay, you'll find someone better". How you'd treat a friend in trouble, that's how you treat yourself.
2. Take care of yourself
Care for yourself how you would've cared for your friend/family. Take a shower even if you don't feel like it, walk in the park, eat healthy food,go to the gym. This is also hard for me as I find that when I'm down in the dumps, all I want to do is lay in bed and "mourn". But when I do finally go out, I feel so much better. Though the first step to act is the hardest. But you can do it!
3. Set a goal
There must be something in life that you want to achieve. Sit quietly in a comfortable place and scribble away. It might not come suddenly. But thinking about it will make you get an idea on what you want to do with your life. Everyone has strengths and something that they can contribute to the world and to onself.
4. Count your blessings
Always be grateful and count your blessings. We are still alive and here on this Earth,still breathing, still having eyesight,sense of smell etc. There's always something to be grateful. Eventhough sometimes it doesn't feel like it, but there always is. Focus on the things you have and make a list if you have to.
5. It's a journey, not a destination
Have a good relationship with yourself, because you are in it for a lifetime. You can learn to love yourself,it just takes practice. And don't beat yourself up when something goes wrong. Instead,take what you can learn from it and grow.
6. Trust that Allah loves you and trust in Him.
"Hasbunallah wanikmal wakil"
It'll be okay in the end. It'll be okay.
So over the weekend I went paragliding on Saturday which was totally exciting! I was a bit nervous at first but as soon as I ran, the feeling was just extraordinary. It's so hard to explain but I really felt like I was flying. I was up in the air floating/drifting. The correct word for it is flying. Yes, I was flying in the sky and the view was spectacular.
I have just
finished watching a very touching Korean drama entitled “Kill Me Heal Me”.
Basically it is about a man named Cha Do Hyun who has lost his childhood
memories due to an incident that happened which also caused him to develop
multiple personality disorder. He met with Oh Ri Jin who works as a
psychiatrist when one of his personality named as Shin Se Gi caused some
trouble at a club. Together they try to overcome each difficulties to
ultimately cure Cha Do Hyun but problems arises when he tries to remember his
past.
I really
loved this drama! It just makes me nervous watching it. And we can understand
how the mind of a multiple personality disorder patient behaves. He has around
5 personalities. My favourite would be Shin Se Gi and Ahn Yo Sub. Se Gi is rough and reckless but he has a soft
spot which makes him super cool. He is also super confident and protects people
well. Ahn Yo Sub is a suicidal personality where he keeps wanting to commit
suicide. But I like his personality
because he is smart and the thing that made me aww was his conversation with Oh
Ri Jin.
“I wish I
could write poetry”
“You can
write if you want to”
“ I don’t
have the time”
He doesn’t
have time because in any time this personality might disappear and another
personality takes over. The most annoying personality for me is Ahn Yo Na. OMG,
she is just sooooo. Mind you, it is still the same guy behaving like a 17 year
old girl yelling “Oppa, oppa” whenever he likes. Haha Seriously it was so
annoying when “she” came out.
I like the fact that the second hero never had a
chance so audience like me don’t feel confused to choose. If he was even
considered a second hero.
The ending
was abrupt though. I hated the fact that they killed all the personalities in
one episode. It just made it feel rushed. They should have made the
personalities have some more time to say goodbyes especially Ahn Yo Sub. He
didn’t even make a proper goodbye.
So, I give
it a 4/5! What Korean Drama should I watch next?
Episode 9-So cute Asou kun said, "I like you,maybe"
Episode 10-Damn it girl,why did you break up with Asou kun with only 1 episode of happiness. The poor guy. If I were in love with someone like you,I'd want to spend the remaining days I have left with you. Because every day is precious. Why would you want to break up? Hmm, this is so pathetic. Fine,I am selfish.But I still don't understand it.When you love somebody,you don't expect to get anything in return right?Because that's what love is. I don't think the guy was expecting anything in returned. He just loves her. The guy cried. The girl cried.
Episode 11-She's getting weaker. She can't walk anymore. Can't speak. Yeay, the guy is back visiting her.It's a good thing he didn't listen to her. hee Love the story,hate the ending.It was expected though. She gives inspiration to people to fight on whatever happens. Quite okay overall.
THE END
Episode 4,5,6- Once again,I do think that she is tested like that because she is strong enough to do so.She can even smile while other people are looking and asking weird questions and gossiping. I don't feel like I'm strong enough to do that. Not at all. Such a lively personality. I admit that I am feeling half amazed and half depressed.
Episode 7- Almost going into 2nd year. I hate the fact that the school wants to kick her out. Didn't they consider the friends that she''ll miss and would lead to her depression? What a jerk.
Episode 2: The poor father.He looks so pitiful. I think the parents are very strong. People would only be tested with their capabilities. This is something that they can handle,eventhough it's such a big one.
Episode 3: Is it me or is episode 3 getting a little bit boring. Yeah,we know she's going to get worse and stuff but why can't the parents just freaking tell her.
Okay so I made a bet that I wouldn't cry watching 1 Litre of Tears and here I am watching it. I'll give a review once I finish every episode. Well,here goes nothing.
Episode 1. I find that the girl is just ultimately cute but can be a bit clumsy in terms of letting the precious tofu fall and not to mention falling asleep on the bus on a very important day. The father is very funny. I love him already.haha I wonder if Mr. Kim stayed in Japan,he would be famous with the ladies there. ahaks uu a walkman by the hero,my dad has one of those back then.
Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful girl named Cinderella. This is how her story began.
“Isn’t our daughter lovely?” said her father.
They were in the garden watching Cinderella playing. Her mother smiled affectionately. Despite her graceful smile, her face was as pale as a ghost. She knew that sooner or later she would have to leave her family that she loves forever but her husband refused to believe it. He was determined to find a cure for his beloved wife. He searched for the best doctor in the land but all was vain as no one could find a cure for her disease. She tried her best to look in the pink of health and cuddled at him. They sat in the garden together holding hands while Cinderella was chasing butterflies and giggling gleefully.
“Dear, if I were to…,” she tried to say something but he immediately put a finger on her pale lips.
“Don’t say that, you’ll be fine. Don’t give up darling. Trust me,” he stroked her hair as the wind blew her thin blonde hair.
She shook her head, “But when I do, please find a mother for Cinderella. I want her to feel a mother’s love even though I would not be there for her.”
“I’ll never do that. Please don’t force me to do something I don’t want.” She did not say another word after that.
Days passed by as Cinderella’s mother became weaker. She could not enjoy her daily leisure walking around the garden. She lay in bed most of the time looking out the window.
“Why are you smiling, mother?” Cinderella asked.
“Nothing in particular,” her mother smiled weakly. She caressed her daughter’s hair lovingly.
“I love you, mother,” Cinderella smiled.
It was a cold night when her mother said weakly,” Dear...”
“Please, please don’t go. I need you,” he cried. She held his hand and squeezed it gently.
“Find a mother for her,” she kept on saying. He finally nodded. She died on the night of December as the first snowflake fell upon the roof. Cinderella was despaired and became even more depressed when her father remarried. She felt betrayed and sad. She cried and cried all night until her voice were hoarse. Over a period of time, her lovely voice became hoarse and ugly whenever she sang.
Cinderella had a stepmother who was kind and beautiful. Her daughters, Drizella and Anastasia were no different from their mother. But Cinderella’s heart was conquered with so much hatred until there was no room for love. She envied her stepsisters even more as they did not have any difficulty in producing a lovely melody when they sing.
Soon after that, her father died. He was too depressed for the loss of his wife. He took his own life one night when everyone was asleep. Cinderella felt as lonely as ever. She sat in her room for days crying and forbid anyone to enter her room. Her mother did all she could to comfort her but Cinderella turned away. She hated her stepmother so much and blamed her for ruining their lives. Weeks passed. Cinderella finally accepted her life but she became a bad-tempered girl. She ordered her maids to do things out of their capability. She yelled at them, kicked at them and used inappropriate languages. Soon, all of the maids and butlers quit their jobs.
Cinderella made her stepmother and stepsisters as maids in the house. They followed her orders obediently.
“Your stepfather needs our help to take care of Cinderella. She is hurt inside,” their mother would remind them.
“But mother, she’s spoiled and arrogant. How will she ever change? She even moved us to stay in the attic. It’s not fair. Aren’t we family? “Anastasia grumbled while scrubbing the floor.
“She’ll realize it one day. Be patient,” Drizella answered.
“Why are you talking? Too much free time, is it?” Cinderella yelled from above the stairs.
Drizella and Anastasia did not dare to rise up their heads. They continued scrubbing the floor.
Cinderella tugged on Anastasia’s hair until she screamed in agony.
“That will teach you. Now get back to work. You haven’t mended my clothes yet,” she said and left.
Anastasia cried on Drizella’s lap as she consoled her. Yes, it was undeniable that Cinderella was beautiful but she was evil and wicked. Drizella continued to comfort her sister and sang a song they both loved. Among the two, Drizella had a lovely voice and a fair complexion. She was also kind towards everyone.
Meanwhile at the palace, the King was petrified and worried whether he would have a chance to see his only son got married. He longed for a grandchild and now was the perfect age for the prince to get married. Her late wife loved to sing and according to his perception, only a girl who had a voice so lovely was qualified for his son. The prince was a handsome hunk. He had a dark wavy hair and his eyes were deep turquoise. It was hard not to fall in love with the prince but he had no interest in any of the women he met. Like his father, he too wanted a girl that could do a duet with her.
“Hah! I have an idea!” The king suddenly had an epiphany in his meeting with his son. “We will have a singing competition and every eligible maiden must participate.”
And so, flyers and announcements were issued everywhere across the kingdom. Cinderella ran into the house jumping up and down, “Whoever wins the singing competition will get to marry the prince! “ Cinderella exclaimed.
“But you can’t sing!” Anastasia blurted out.
“Yes I can!” Cinderella shrieked and tried to sing but everyone knew she couldn’t.She stormed into her room and locked the door. She was dumbfounded. She wanted to marry the handsome prince, but how?
Suddenly, an odd-looking woman dressed in black that appeared out of nowhere was in front of Cinderella. The woman was tall and skinny and she had a weird scar on her saggy cheeks.
“Who are you, you ugly thing?” She looked at the woman in disgust.
“How dare you! I am your fairy godmother and I’m here to help you.”
“Huh!” She scoffed, “You look more like a witch to me. What can you possibly do?”
“Well, if you are questioning my abilities…” in an instant the witch-fairy godmother pulled up her sleeves and whispered something under her breath and poof! Cinderella transformed into a white rabbit. The nervous rabbit hopped up and down in panic. Her eyes pleaded for the fairy godmother to change her back.
“That will teach you a thing or two,” she laughed and transformed Cinderella to her own self.
“Oh my goodness. Oh, fairy godmother. Will you please help me,” Cinderella pleaded.
“That’s what I’m here for, my dear. Now listen closely. I have an idea that I think will just work. I’ll make Drizella invisible and she can sing while you mime her. She has a wonderful voice and….”
“What’s mime?” Cinderella interrupted.
“It is when you act like you are singing and another person sings for you. It’ll be popular in the 21st century. A lot of singers do it. For example, Britney Spears,” her godmother explained.
Cinderella nodded but she could not figure out why people would do such a thing and how her fairy godmother knew the future.
“Wait a minute, why can’t you just make mend my voice?” Cinderella asked.
“Oh, now would you look at the time. I must be going. But remember, you must sing before 12 o’clock. As the clock strikes 12 my spell will be broken.”
“Before 12! Can’t you upgrade your spell?” Cinderella asked but the fairy godmother ignored her and vanished.
On the day of the competition, Cinderella managed forcing Drizella to follow her fairy godmother’s plan. With Drizella invisible by her side, she went up for registration. There were hundreds of determined women signing up for the competition. Cinderella was the 180th.
Cinderella waited impatiently as one by one was rejected by the king. It was half past 11 when the 170th participant got into the room and ran out crying as she was rejected cruelly by King Simon Cowell. Cinderella was getting anxious as it was almost 12 o’clock. Suddenly, the fairy godmother came and cursed the nine participants into having diarrhoea. They ran to look for the toilet and fought to get inside as there were only three toilets available. They pushed and screamed to get into the ladies room.
Cinderella was called up. She ‘sang’ melodiously that made the king dazed in awe. Even the prince fell in love with the voice. Suddenly, the tower clock stroke 12 and Drizella suddenly re-appeared beside Cinderella. Shocked, Drizella ran out of the room as fast as she could. The prince did not know what happened but he was eager to see the beautiful girl that ran away. He did not know why but he had a feeling that she was the one singing. Meanwhile, the clueless king was dumbfounded as Cinderella ran away ashamed.
“Wait!” The prince called up but Drizella was too frightened to stop. She did not want to be punished by the king. She ran as fast as she could but dropped her slipper. Without the knowledge of Drizella, her jolly and plump fairy godmother appeared and put a spell on the slipper so that only she can fit it perfectly. Out of breath, the prince took the slipper and was the determined to marry the girl. The king agreed. He announced that whoever could fit the slipper would marry his son.
In some other dimension, Cinderella’s fairy godmother and Drizella’s were in a duel.
“You should not have interfered,” Cinderella’s fairy godmother yelled and threw a blast of fire towards her foe.
Drizella’s fairy godmother shielded herself with mountains of snow. The two fought using all the magic powers that they had. Drizella’s fairy godmother shot a special bullet made out of unicorn’s tail and stainless steel with a gun and killed Cinderella’s fairy godmother instantly.
Back in the real world, the prince finally arrived at Cinderella’s house. She locked up Anastasia and Drizella in their rooms; afraid that either one of them would speak the truth and spoil her plan.
“Good evening,” Cinderella pulled up her sweetest smile she could manage. The prince smiled back. His smile could make every maiden in town melt like butter. Without wasting any more time, she tried on the slipper but it could not fit her even though her foot size was similar to Drizella’s. Drizella’s fairy godmother arrived quickly after the battle and freed Drizella.
Disappointed, the prince was about to leave the house when Drizella called up.
“Wait your highness. Please! Can I try it on?” Drizella smiled shyly.
The prince slipped on the slipper on her and of course it fitted her perfectly.
“I knew it was you,” the prince smiled.
Drizella married the prince and lived happily ever after. But what happened to Cinderella? Well, there are no happy endings for evil and bad-tempered people. She will have to change her attitude and learn how to appreciate of what she has. Will she ever find her happily ever after? Well, that is a different tale to be told for another day because this is what really happened in “CINDERELLA”.
