How to Move On in 5 Steps
Breaking up hurts no matter what the reason could be. And it doesn’t help that you think of that person 24/7 and you want to heal and yet at the same time you wish you could be together again. All of those mixed feelings and ruminating results in being extremely overwhelmed, like nothing good is ever good is going to happen to you. I’m here to tell you, no matter how hard your heart breaks, it will heal. And although it takes time, we can try as much as possible to reduce the time taken to really move on 100%.
Step 1: No-contact rule
No contact at all. No interaction. No stalking. No contact. The duration should at least be 1 month minimum. The first week is the hardest. And it doesn't help when he/she finds you first. But don't give in. You may even tell them that you need space before doing the no-contact when they reach out. But remember every time you reply/stalk, you reset the time back to one month (minimum). Why is 1 month needed? It's going to hurt bad anyway, might as well process your feelings during these moments. It also gives spaces to both of you as individuals.
Step 2: Feel the feels. Do not suppress it
When we're deep in our feels, feel it. Lay down and take deep breaths. But do not ruminate. If you find yourself ruminating, write down your thoughts. Every negative thought that comes up, challenge it. Remember that we are our worst critics but it doesn't help us grow when trying to beat ourselves up.
Step 3: Write down 25 things you want to do with your life. Circle only 5
Focus on yourself during these times. For Muslims, focus on your relationship with Allah. Write down 25 things you want to do with your life, but circle only 5 of them. Rejection is redirection. Everything happens for a reason, and we can feel stuck when in the moment. So focus on these things. Going out to distract yourself may work temporarily but thinking of long term goals will help you much better.
Step 4: Feelings are like waves
You may feel like you're finally getting the hang of it, but then the mall plays a song that reminds you of them, and you bawl your eyes out thinking of what could have been. There are days you may not want to even get out of bed. And it's okay. Just trust the process that it'll pass (only if you process your feelings)
Step 5: Write down ALL of their bad traits
The main problem with trying to move on is thinking of what could've been. We only remember the good things that happened and forget all the bad things. Write down and put the list in your phone. As soon as the thoughts of 'how it could've been' arises, open your notes and remember why they aren't this perfect figure we pictured in our head. Because let's face it, nobody is perfect. There will always be something that you can put in the list.
Breaking up is hard. Not moving on is harder. Doing these steps will help you to move on within 1-3months and completely heal 100% in less than 6 months. Hope this helps!
