Loneliness and Mundane Things

 Assalamualaikum everyone! 

Yeah I haven’t been updating my blog for quite some time. You would think I’m doing something so amazing and extraordinary that I don’t have the time. 

Which is not the case.

I’ve been busy doing mundane things to be honest. Endlessly scrolling through social media seeking for human connection and yet feeling disconnected. What a paradox.

I feel like talking about what I’ve been through these past few months today. So I’ve been feeling down a lot since October 2021. And as a result I can’t sleep at night. I would toss and turn and sigh. And regret not being able to sleep early and making empty promises to myself that I will definitely sleep early tonight and not sleeping early. And the cycle continues. It gets worse where I would sleep as late as 2-3 AM.

I kept thinking to myself. I’m so tired during the day working. Why can’t I fall asleep early? Like a normal person should.

Loneliness. 

I hated to admit this. Me? Feeling lonely? How is that possible. I’m always surrounded among people. Heck I even work at a place where I meet a lot of people. I mean, that was one of the reasons why I liked the job.

And yet every night, I toss and I turn and I feel it. I scroll and scroll seeking some sort of connection, something that could make me feel less lonely in this digital world. And yet, it just gets worse.

And the cycle continues.

Until.

I was mindlessly scrolling through Tiktok at 2AM and came across this Live that was reciting Surah Yassin. I stayed and listened. Within a few minutes of listening, I fell asleep.

Damn I was thrilled. I waited every night for this dude’s Live. I wanted to sleep soundlessly again. Anything to help me sleep.

This went on for a few days until there was a day he didn’t go Live. I scrolled at his Tiktok content and saw that he had a Telegram group.

I joined.